Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
