I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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