I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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