so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
