Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
