Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
