I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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