We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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