I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
