so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
