i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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