Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
