I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You need Xanax blowdarts
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
