birth control should be required to get into college
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
