i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
