Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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