I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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