Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
