I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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