Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
