I CAN MOONWALK!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
