Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
