A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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