It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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