she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
