.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
