You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
