Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
