just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
