Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
