watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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