3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
