I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
