Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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