i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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