Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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