you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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