Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
