I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
