just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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