He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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