The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
