How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
