i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
