I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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