just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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