he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
