He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
