So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
