I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
